Things I Hate About Whatever-The-Hell It Is I Have – Part 2

I hate whatever-the-hell-it-is-I-have, but I like to laugh too. So instead of whining about it 7 days a week, I try to laugh about it every day when the opportunity rises, but once a week, I try to laugh about this whole thing all day long. I laughed last week, I just didn’t post it, but I am with my weekly  semi-regular entry. I choose Friday for this cause most people are in better moods, and I spend Friday nights with people I like and care about, so I don’t want to be a downer. Tonight My (step) son is playing a conference rival for a share of the Classic 8 Conference championship, so I am crazy pumped up and in a great mood. Go Crusaders!

Hygiene is important to all of us. If it isn’t important to you, go somewhere private and reconsider your priorities…Please. Today’s feature is all about hygiene, and how whatever-the-hell-it-is effects it.

Brushing our teeth is easy, right? Put some toothpaste on your toothbrush, shake it back-and-forth for a couple of minutes, spit, rinse, and you’re done. Basic hygiene that we teach our toddlers to do. But what if shaking, or moving back-and-forth, became almost impossible? I’ll tell you, it’s a comical image, and as irritated as I get while it’s happening, it still makes me laugh. Every. Single. Time. It usually starts off pretty normal, because I know I need to make slow movements and really focus. So i start brushing the same way everyone does. Moving the toothbrush rhythmically around my gum-lines, effectively removing tooth-damaging particles out of areas where they thrive, but 2 minutes is WAY too long for me to slowly do anything. So, I start moving faster, my brain signals can’t keep up, and I stop moving altogether. It’s a brief paralysis. There are times when I tell myself to just remove the toothbrush and start over, but 50% of the time, once the toothbrush is out, my hand gets the old signal and I start brushing the air in front of me. It’s usually very brief, but it’s ridiculous looking. When I inevitably laugh at this scenario, I spit toothpaste everywhere, and add even more work to my to-do list, cause now I have additional cleanup duties. It’s time for an electric toothbrush.

*Unrelated to hygiene, I also struggle mightily shaking salt & pepper. Pepper is the hardest cause it’s so lightweight, without a shake, it’s just not coming out. salt can be poured, but then I usually over-do it, so I have had to make some cutbacks in my food seasoning budget.

Showering, as everyone knows, is an essential part of our hygienic routines. I need to thank my wife for making the shower a safer place for me by installing handles, floor-mats, etc., all to ensure I smell nice, and also to ensure I am not laying on the bathroom floor when she gets home. It has made showering much easier, but it makes me feel really disabled whenever I see it. It’s a temporary feeling, easily washed away by the shower itself, but still. Add to that the fact that I cannot take the HOT showers I used to enjoy so much, because heat is my enemy now. It literally sucks energy and strength out of me, leaving me weak and unable to leave the bedroom when I’m done. It’s room temperature showers for me from now on. Drying off is tough too, as I just don’t have the flexibility or strength to really get all of the water off of me, especially my feet, which leads me to my least favorite thin to do after a shower, putting on socks. Freshly cleaned socks take more manual dexterity to stretch over my size 12/13 feet than you could ever imagine. It’s crazy. Putting on sucks is a real-life nightmare. F%#& You, Socks!

Shaving is the SCARIEST thing I do, and I am fortunate that I rarely do it. I recently shaved my beard off, and I had 7 facial cuts when I was done. Now, it’s not like these shaving cuts require stitches, band-aids, or even a wad of tissue stuck to them, but it’s not fun. Funny, yes. Fun, no. I simply cannot put my hands exactly where I want anymore, and I lack the amount of trust required to let another individual hold any kind of razor to my face, including my wife, stylist….anyone. NOT HAPPENING.

Speaking of stylists, I have one of the best in Lake Country. Jess is amazing. Without her, I’d probably have hair down to my waist by now. Think about this:

I have an appointment. Someone has to drive me there. Her chair is upstairs, so after pulling the walker out & walking in, I climb a flight of stairs. Then back to the walker, which someone has to carry up the stairs & walk to her chair, get a haircut, and then do it all again in reverse. That is just about all I can do in a day. But not with Jessica. No Sir!

Jessica follows up with me at regular intervals and when I need her, she works a home visit into her INSANELY busy schedule, and gives me the perfect cut and some great conversation too, every time. She’s a miracle for me and I can’t thank her enough for all of her help with such a simple thing. A haircut is a whole day project for me with my current situation, but not with Jessica.

For those of you in Lake country, give her a try. She’s young, stylish, and funny.

Her business can be found INSIDE the Unique Suites Salon

W359 N5002 Brown St (SUITE 10)

Oconomowoc, WI,

Jessica Gregor
Aspire with Jess
(262) 613-9363

You won’t regret it. She’s great!

I’m once again going to sign off by saying, F%$& You, whatever-the-hell-it-is-I-have. Have a great weekend everyone! Go Crusaders!


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